Jealousy: The Vengeance of the Virtue

by CWK

Jealousy has a bad reputation. We almost never use the word ‘jealous’ in a positive sense. I can prove it: if a woman said to you, “My husband is jealous...” -- how would you respond? Almost all of us would take that as a bad thing: we'd instinctively say, “Sorry to hear that.” I want to do 2 things, and only two things, with the following diatribe: 1) explore why we have a negative view of jealousy, and 2) present a positive view of jealousy as displayed in the character of God. Here we go.

There are two reasons why jealousy has developed a bad reputation.

REASON 1: Pagan virtues are taking over. Pagan virtues are all mild and negative in comparison with Christian virtues. 

C.S. Lewis took up the comparison between Christian and pagan ethics like this:

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness.  But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love.  You see what has happened?  A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance.  The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point.  I do not thik this is the Christian virtue of Love.  The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself.  We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. 

We have the impression that pagans were passionate, while Christians were tame; but, we are wrong; the reverse is the case: the pagan virtures are all tame; the Christian virtues are all wild, and dangerous. 

Christian virtues are passionate and complex; pagan virtues are stoic (stoicism is the most "moral" of all the pagan philosophies) and passionless; in paganism, passion is avoided. This explains why such virtuous dispositions as anger and jealousy are derided and avoided in our culture. As we become more pagan, we lose our passion, and we lose a sense of the wildness of true virtue. Consider Jesus; he wept; he was angry; he was jealous -- one moment his gentleness moved a prostitute to tears; the next, he rose like a skyscraper in rage against hypocrisy. Jesus careened forward in his earthly ministry with quick, wild, and  swaying passion -- like a midnight train which seems always about to jump the tracks, but never does -- and he lived true virtue in a passionless world. Jesus brought color to a grey world; he brought wildness to a tame world. 

Here's GK Chesterton's comparison of Christian v. Pagan virtues:

The real difference between Paganism and Christianity is perfectly summed up in the difference between the pagan, or natural, virtues, and those three virtues of Christianity which the Church of Rome calls virtues of grace.  The pagan, or rational, virtues are such things as justice and temperance, and Christianity has adopted them.  The three mystical virtues which Christianity has not adopted, but invented, are faith, hope, and charity.  Now much easy and foolish Christian rhetoric could easily be poured out upon those three words, but I desire to confine myself to the two facts which are evident about them. The first evident fact (in marked contrast to the delusion of the dancing pagan)--the first evident fact, I say, is that the pagan virtues, such as justice and temperance, are the sad virtues, and that the mystical virtues of faith, hope, and charity are the gay and exuberant virtues. And the second evident fact, which is even more evident, is the fact that the pagan virtues are the reasonable virtues, and that the Christian virtues of faith, hope, and charity are in their essence as unreasonable as they can be.

Now, ask yourself -- what is the prime pagan virtue of our time? What is the attribute that we almost always name when we are complimenting someone in an offhand way? Listen to any casual conversation, and you will hear, “He is a nice guy/girl.” And jealousy is not nice: it is passionate, attached, afire. So, when the neutral dispassionate 'virtues' of paganism prevail, a passionate virtue like jealousy becomes a vice. By the way, if you think about the word nice as we use it in America in 2012, it is an essentially dispassionate word. We use it because we want to cast someone's action/character in a generically positive sense. It doesn't mean much; it is not very descriptive: i.e., it is a 'lazy' word, which fits right in with the passive dispassionate virtues of paganism. From Fowler's Modern English Usage:

The word nice is the great cause célèbre of meaning change in English. In medieval and Renaissance literature, nice (derived from Latin nescius meaning 'ignorant') has a wide range of generally unfavourable meanings such as 'foolish, stupid' and 'wanton, loose-mannered', and in some cases it is not possible to be sure which meaning was intended. The meanings to do with precision and fine distinctions (as in a nice point or distinction) arose in the 16th century, and are still in use, but they are now swamped by the generalized favourable use of nice to mean 'agreeable, pleasant': ex.'s: 

All her furniture is second-hand and rather nice—J. Rose, 1990

I have three children of my own now and I thought it would be nice to surprise them with the sugar mice on the tree, and also the chocolate cat—Catherine Cookson, 1990.

There is no doubt that nice is greatly overused in this meaning, and critics have some reason to call it a 'lazy word' (i.e. inducing laziness in its users). Many synonyms, often more apposite and stronger in meaning, are available (good, pleasant, enjoyable, fine, agreeable, satisfying, etc.) and it is often better to use them, but in conversation nice has established itself too well and too idiomatically for cautionary advice to have any real point...

                                                             ----------------------------------

Now, if you read, for example, the Psalms you cannot possibly think: Christianity is a 'nice' religion: this is a tame faith. You might have any thought BUT that; this is a stormy, passionate, almost dangerous, faith.

REASON 2: The Church has been feminized. Men are, of course, mostly to blame. We have left our post; we have been slack; we have forfeited leadership, and so we have left a vacuum; we have abdicated our responsibility; we have not been proactive; we have done something worse than doing just any thing: we have done nothing. Like Adam, we have looked away while the serpent was fast talking. But I don’t say that men are only to blame. Some men, after long years of being shouted down every time they have taken initiative – some men simply give up and go sit on the sideline.

Why do I say all this in a post on the Jealousy of God? I say this as a warning to us all. Where are we? What are the virtues we are striving for? Would any of us put jealousy on a list of admirable attributes? Probably not, and if not -- then, why not? This is a matter for self-examination, and repentance.

Let me take another example to show you what I mean. The other quality that is universally abhorred in our age is anger. We don’t like anger of any kind. So, when we read the Bible and find that on several occasions God is angry (see Psalm 7.11; Mark 3.5; John 2.13-18) – we don’t know what to do with it. How many of us can point to one occasion where we were righteously angry? This is another example of how paganism skews toward a passive and dispassionate set of virtues.

Back to jealousy. In Hebrew, annq = 'jealous.' All 5 occurences of this word in the OT refer to God: they are all found in Exodus and Deuteronomy:

Ex. 20:5:   "You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,

Ex. 34:14:   for you shall not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God--

Deut. 4:24: "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

Deut. 5:9:   'You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,

Deut. 6:15:  for the Lord your God in the midst of you is a jealous God; otherwise the anger of the Lord your God will be kindled against you, and He will wipe you off the face of the earth.

The other prominent Hebrew word for 'jealous' is the verb anq = 'to be jealous of.' This word is used frequently in the OT. Consider the array of uses, many referring to God: 

Gen. 26:14   ...for he had possessions of flocks and herds and a great household, so that the Philistines were jealous of him. 
Gen. 30:1   Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she became jealous of her sister; and she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die." 
Gen. 37:11   And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.
 Num. 5:14   ...if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has defiled herself, or if a spirit of jealousy comes over him and he is jealous of his wife when she has not defiled herself,
Num. 5:30  ... or when a spirit of jealousy comes over a man and he is jealous of his wife, he shall then make the woman stand before the Lord, and the priest shall apply all this law to her. 
Num. 11:29   But Moses said to him, "Are you jealous for my sake? Would that all the Lord's people were prophets, that the Lord would put His Spirit upon them!" 
Num. 25:11   "Phinehas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, has turned away My wrath from the sons of Israel, in that he was jealous with My jealousy among them, so that I did not destroy the sons of Israel in My jealousy.      
Num. 25:13   ....and it shall be for him and his descendants after him, a covenant of a perpetual priesthood, because he was jealous for his God, and made atonement for the sons of Israel.'" 
Deut. 32:16    "They made Him jealous with strange gods; With abominations they provoked Him to anger. 
Deut. 32:21    'They have made Me jealous with what is not God; They have provoked Me to anger with their idols. So I will make them jealous with those who are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation,

Here's a wonderful meditation on jealousy from an old friend that was sent out via email some years ago:

Deuteronomy says that our God is a jealous God: "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God (4:24)."  Again in 5:9, "You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God..."  One more time in 6:14-15, "You shall not follow other gods, any of the gods of the peoples who surround you, for the Lord your God in the midst of you is a jealous God..."

What do we make of this?  Was the early church heretic Marcion right in saying that the God of the Old Testament seems to be a different God than the God of the New Testament?  Is Richard Dawkins right in citing verses like this to claim the God of the Bible is egotistic, snobby, archaic?

 We do have this concept in the NT as well.  Paul warned the church in Corinth, "Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy?  We are not stronger than He, are we? (1 Cor.10:22)."  James says boldly, "You adulteresses.  Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?  Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.  Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: 'He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us (4:4-5)."

 I think when the Bible talks about God's jealousy, it is the sort of jealousy Paul talked about in 2 Corinthians 11:2: "For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.?  I believe this is the same jealousy that stirred Paul as shepherd of the bride of Christ, he was jealous with the Lord's jealousy for the Lord's bride."

I think we forget at times that the Holy Spirit is a person.  That is, He can become sorrowful, He can be hurt over harm done to him. Scripture talks in other places about not grieving the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ is jealous for His people with the utmost godly jealousy.  She is His bride.  He loves her with a yearning deep within His bones. Would a husband not be jealous if his wife, his wife who he loved more than his own life, had another in pursuit of her...who whispered lies about him, who stole away her laughs and affection and her heart?  Friends, so it is with your Jesus.  He is jealous for you; you are His bride if you are His.  It is not a light matter when we so easily leave His presence and go have fun with other lovers.  It breaks His heart.  

The puritan Samuel Rutherford wrote to one of his congregants from prison, "I know that other lovers beside Christ are in suit of you, and your soul hath many wooers.  But I pray you make a chaste virgin of your soul, and let it love but one."  

Finally, here is Thomas Watson on the jealousy of God:

I the Lord thy God am a jealous God." The first reason why Israel must not worship graven images is, because the Lord is a jealous God, Exod. xxxiv. 14, "The Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." Jealousy is taken, 1. In a good sense, and so God is jealous for his people. 2. In a bad sense, and so God is jealous of his people... In a good sense; and so God is jealous for his people, Zech. i. 14, " Thus saith the Lord, I am jealous for Jerusalem, and for Zion, with a great jealousy." God hath a dear affection for his people, they are his delight, Isa. Ixii. 4. The apple of his eye, Zech. ii. 8. To express how dear they are to him, and how tender he is of them,—Nihil charius pupilla oculi, Drttsics. They are his spouse, adorned with jewels of grace ; they lie near to his heart. He is jealous for his spouse, therefore he will be avenged on them who go to wrong her, Isa. xlii. 13, " The Lord shall stir up jealousy like a man of war; he shall roar, he shall prevail against his enemies." What is done to the saints, God takes as done to himself, 2 Kings xix. 22, and the Lord will undo all them that afflict Zion, Zeph. iii. 19, " I will undo all that afflict thee."—2. Jealousy is taken in a bad sense, and so God is jealous of his people : and so it is taken in this commandment, ' I the Lord thy God am a jealous God.' I am jealous lest you should go after false gods, or worship the true God in a false manner ; lest you defile your virgin-profession by images. God will have his spouse to keep close to him, and not go after other lovers, Hos. iii. 3, " Thou shall not be for another man." God cannot bear a co-rival: our conjugal love, viz. a love joined with adoration and worship; it is heinous, after we have entered into a marriage-covenant with God, now to prostitute ourselves to an image. Idolatry is spiritual adultery, and God is a jealous God, be will avenge it; image-worship makes God abhor a people, Ps. Ixxviii. 58, 59, They moved him to jealousy with their graven images. When God heard this, he was wroth, and greatly abhorred Israel." Image-worship enrageth God, Prov. vi. 34... If God be a jealous God, let it be a word to such whose friends are... idolaters, and they are hated by their friends because they are of a different religion, and perhaps they cut off their maintenance from them. O remember, God is a jealous God! Better move your parents to hatred, than move God to jealousy ; their anger cannot do you so much hurt as God's; if they will not provide for you, God will, Ps. xxvii. 10, "When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Finally, some words from Chesterton on how virtue declines:

“The modern world is not evil; in some ways the modern world is far too good. It is full of wild and wasted virtues. When a religious scheme is shattered...it is not merely the vices that are let loose. The vices are, indeed, let loose, and they wander and do damage. But the virtues are let loose also; and the virtues wander more wildly, and the virtues do more terrible damage. The modern world is full of the old Christian virtues gone mad. The virtues have gone mad because they have been isolated from each other and are wandering alone. Thus some scientists care for truth; and their truth is pitiless. Thus some humanitarians only care for pity; and their pity (I am sorry to say) is often untruthful.” 

Distance

For Evan and Elle.
by CWK

You said you wanted to distance yourself from things.                                                

And, I knew that, by the short conversations,                                                                 

the perforation of my heart, the lack of observation,                                                      

and verbal stings.

When I told you what mattered to me,                                                                             

you acted like it didn’t matter at all.                                                            

You didn’t return my call,                                                                                               

or stand next to me in the hall,                                                                                       

or speak gently.

Its freezing being so far away                                                                                        

from you: the warm Spring Sun;                                                                             

and all we’d begun;                                              

coquettish verbal puns;                                                                                          

and, your face.

I have felt less distance                                                                                           

when we weren’t even talking;                                                                  

when, in our minds, together walking                                                                                

along the memory of when we slow danced,                                          

and held hands.

Is this distance far enough?                                                                           

Light years between our hearts:                                                                                        

like two cold stars, galaxies of bitterness apart,                               

never to touch.

The Stoic and The Poet

by CWK

Empyrean, in majesty, above
is hopelessly fallen in love, in love.

The soil is in love
with rain;
The stars in like with shining;
The tide is in love
with moon;
The eagle in like with flying.

Empyrean, in majesty, above
is hopelessly fallen in love, in love.

I have often heard it said in passing
that this or that thing loves to happen.
With love, the world was fashioned,
and by love the world's sustained.
In love, the world conducts all matters.
To love, toward love, the world remains.

Now, if all creation loves by nature,
who am I to live by hatred?
Shall I roll the universe into a ball,
and fling it back upon it's maker?
Shall I shrink smaller than the ant
who marches timely without complaint?
Should I grow larger than the moon
who appears nightly without restraint?

I should know
to love, love knowing.
For with a seed I have conversed,
and he is in love with growing.
I should live
to love, love showing.
For with a crow I have conversed,
and he is in love with crowing.
I should sow
in love, love sowing.
For, I know a lightning bug,
and he is in love with glowing.

I should move
with love, in motion,
like a wheel inside a wheel.
For I've beheld the high Sun kneel,
his face afire with blushing,
and kiss the wide blue ocean.

I should heed in love, love hearing.
For, I've beheld the strong Sun
stride across the cloudy clearing.
He rises bright, upon command,
without the need of warning,
upon each and every early morning.
Then, moves musically, like a runner,
at a steady stolid pace
to finish each day's race;
Then, stands down without remand,
upon each and every starry evening.
Now, can I be brighter than the Sun
who shines in love, love feeling?

I answer then to the universe:
I love as you love;
your hand is my glove.
I shall do my best, when at my worst,
to compose my heart in mirth.
I shall heed the singing stone,
and sing a lay, a psalm, or song.
For, the whole creation is smitten
with love: like a maid betrothed.
The whole creation's in joy clothed
at the pounce of a kitten,
and the leap of the toad.

I should repent, and surely grow,
and against reasonable love relent
as against a friendly foe.
I should know.
I should know better than most men --
for, I conversed with Empyrian above,
and he is hopelessly fallen in love, in love.

The Sea

by CWK

It hardly profits that a weary mind

in this dark night should peer past

human knowledge into God’s to find

the truth of things untrue. Lying

sleepless upon a battered mast,

whilst floating lonely in a starless,

stormy, sea, I see: knowing, I know less.

Finding, I have less, not more;

searching, I am never nearer shore.

Sea upon sea sprawls before me

in vast recess, with mystery e’r stored.

Sight in hind, sight declines most

when ‘pon past miseries trained;

for miseries o’rwhelm life and love,

and cover the good disclosed:

like frost upon the rose.

Yet, I sift ‘mong the memories. I hunt

for slivers of light in shade:

Convinced, there lives

in shadows, brighter days. Sane

I may not be, and dancing shadows give

little light; but what light I have,

I cherish – lest at last my last light perish,

and my last hope be undone.

‘Cross long travels and dreary distances

I recall only a single season of repose.

It was a long time ago, perhaps fancy,

and nothing more, when I was happy

in a place not so unlike a home.

Some seven suns ago, upon the Isle

of Numenor, I capsized and spent

a summer drinking Miruvor in mild

sunshine.  The women deemed me wild,

but harmless all the same. The men

deemed me wise, and to a man, a friend.

By all I was beloved; by all, esteemed.

But summer hasted onward, and unrest

began to grow.  For, the Island’s absent king

imposed a tax for past protection.

A demand, it seemed to me, in keeping

with proper fealty of subjection.

But, the men of the Isle were incensed,

and felt their honor sore offended.

For my part, I reckoned the hostility

a nuisance: a distraction soonly ended.

As mad men planned revolt; I laughed,

objected mildly, and scarcely dreamed of war.

Scarcely, but battle plans belied me,

and the Isle grew louder, crueler, bored;

for blood they were restless, and for

freedom of a sort denied to mortal men.

The king threatened; still, the fools boasted more,

and more. At last, the king's anger 

above his mercy soared,

and he grew wroth to settle scores.

I suppressed fear, but feared more;

I protested betimes contention, and hoped –

in folly – that peace would be restored.

 I declined to a kind of idle foolish ease,

and ignored all signs of certain strife

—until, on the day the first bite of Fall fell,

I woke a month into the war

to the sound of siege alarm, and the smell

of blood on blade,

and the cries of widows made.

I emerged, sleepy, dazed –

fires raged, and the stench of death

filled my heart, and cursed my far

flung dream of a home upon this sea.

I beheld men and women fleeing toward,

and away from, war. In the city center,

savaged, I beheld an infant standing,

famished, before a dessicated fountain.

I wept for orphans walking, lonely,

toward the citadel in the mountain.

For, by then, the mountain was no more.

I crawled across carnage to my little ship

as the Isle sank, and with luck, escaped – I only.

The Internal Is Infernal

by CK

I washed my hands before I ate;

took 6 baths the last two weeks;

kept clear of lepers in the street;

and cleansed the outside of the plate.

I was right in all my rites

and circumspect in all the prayers.

I pay supererogative tithes

and scrub the bowls with care. 

-- but somewhere, something’s wrong

with the inside of the bowl.

Something festers in my soul,

and brings down shame upon my songs:

my mouth can lift no praise,

and my tongue is dumb and lame.

I cannot raise my hands,

and I fear to speak that Name.

I can’t perceive what defiles me

since my heart I have exempted.

There, green envies still beguile me,

and murders linger, unattempted.                               

Alas, I will peer inside the bowl.

Do I dare stare in there?

There, darkness grows, unattended.

There, pride hides, unsurrendered.

The internal is infernal

for I have kept the law external;

I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,

but I have not cried,

and I have not obeyed.

I have seldom took thought

of justice or mercy,

and I have passed many beggars 

who were cold and thirsty.

And worst of all, I have thought

that I was better than the worst;

I have looked on the toll-collector

and denounced his crimes 

-- then greedily snatched the widow’s last dime

The internal is infernal:

my heart is hard, and it is cold.

It is stingy, and rapacious,

and as icy as a glacier.   

I do not know if I can assemble

a heart so conflicted with dissent.

But I will journey to the Temple

for I hear a Psalm of Ascent.

It is a song of life, I think, and so even I will stand.

My voice is hoarse,

and my heart is coarse;

but I will sing my part, 

and I will rend this heart,

and I will try to lift my hands.

Originality and Personality

From C.S. Lewis, Membership:

I have wanted to try to expel that quite un-christian worship of the human individual simply as such which is so rampant in modern thought side by side with our collectivism; for one error begets the opposite error and, far from neutralizing, they aggravate each other. I mean the pestilent notion (one sees it in literary criticism) that each of us starts with a treasure called 'personality' locked up inside him, and that to expand and express this, to guard it from interference, to be 'original', is the main end of life. This is Pelagian, or worse, and it defeats even itself. No man who values originality will ever be original. But try to tell the truth as you see it, try to do any bit of work as well as it can
be done for the work's sake, and what men call originality will come unsought. Even on that level, the submission of the individual to the function is already beginning to bring true personality to birth. 

Not Afraid

by CK

I am not afraid

of anything that breathes: 

of the spiders,

or the mountains

that tumble into the seas.

I have learned to lean

on He Who lives forever,

on the God of Abraham,

the God of grace and glory:

Who is the great I AM.

Looking in the rearview, looking straight ahead:

looking for a clear view

of the rhythm in my head.

The music rises slowly into a symphony;

I will dance and I will sing

with stars, and hills, and trees.

I am dancing into darkness, but dancing I will go --

for my Father holds my hand;

my Father holds my hand; 

Abba Father holds my hand. 

Now to the King Eternal, 

be glory through the ages,

and may He write his glory

across these tattered pages.

Goodness

by CK

I was once in a long slumber,

feebly hearing voices feeble,

and struggling to awake --

til tonight, mind alight, in a quaint coffee shop,

I tasted heaven in a slice of cake.

I walked outside, a man at last alive,

and trod down mainstreet

across brick and concrete

past tall buildings

and a rocky river

and peoples of all

sizes, shapes, beliefs.

And I saw the Giver,

and his hands underneath.

The concrete beneath my feet

was good.

And the river that meandered

was good.

And the people who passed

were very good.

On the supposition (credo

quia absurdum)

that men are responsible for their philosophies,

I defy Plato.

For, I saw goodness as sign,
and goodness by design a taste of heaven.

Goodness, at last!
Goodness, near, within my grasp:
goodness in a slice of cake,

goodness in a blade of grass,
goodness, 'pon all things cast.

A Humble Man Walks In A Room

by CK

If you are like me, one of your great struggles is an abiding self-consciousness that you are on the outside looking in: an uninvited and unwanted guest at a private party. To varying degrees, we all feel like an outsider. In that sense, we are all insiders. We are all inside the club of people who feel like outsiders. This knowledge alone is some comfort for the abiding inferiority complex that dogs each one of us. We are never nearly so outside as we think; when we feel most outside, we are just like everyone else. 

Yet, the feeling of being on the fringe, an unwelcome guest, is one of the most painful realities of our internal lives. We see a group of people laughing, and wish desperately to be among them. We see -- at work or school -- a clique of close friends, and long to be invited to their reveries. We hear about various social gatherings, and note with distress, that we are not included. 

This sense of being on the outside can, if we are not careful, come to dominate our lives.

My goal is to explore it more thoroughly, and unmask it's secret power: sinful pride. I think this impulse of feeling like an outsider is the consequence of pride in our hearts. Yes, pride. 

It seems like humility, but on further examination, it's false humility.

We usually think of the proud man as the one, head held high, who focuses on himself when he walks in the room, and feels sure everyone is looking at him. He knows he is an insider; he can read the minds of everyone present and they are all thinking about him: thinking how graced they are by his mere presence -- hoping, desperately to spend a moment in his light. This he thinks, and he is proud indeed. And wrong. The truth is: no one else in the room thinks about him as much as he thinks about himself. 

Compare this character with the seemingly humble man. He walks in a room, head drooping. He feels sure everyone is looking at him askance. He knows he is an outsider. He looks into the minds of the gathered guests, and reads them at once: they don't want me here. They are all thinking about me, and thinking how unwelcome I am. My mere presence is a burden to them, and they are hoping, desperately, not to waste a moment in my darkness. This he thinks, but he is also wrong. The truth is: no one else in the room thinks about him as mush as he thinks about himself. This seemingly humble man is just as proud as his counterpart. Both men are concerned primarily with themselves, and thinking others are primarily concerned with them. Sure, one thinks their concerns are benevolent, and the other thinks their concerns are malevolent. Either way, they are lost in themselves in an unhealthy way. 

Which brings me to the question -- what does the truly humble man do? He walks into a room, head on a swivel. He is looking around at everyone else, not thinking much about himself. He is not self-conscious because he is so other-conscious. He's forgotten himself. He notices the colors of things, the accents in the room, the man in the corner who is nursing a broken heart, the woman in the corner who is fidgeting nervously. He moves to care for these people. He is too busy caring about others to care, or even notice, if anyone notices him. 

By the way, my own prideful tendencies have varied over the years. During my season of success, I'm sure everyone is waiting to stand in my light; during my seasons of struggle, I'm sure no one can stand my darkness. 

"Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember every having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides, what would be the use of a procession,’ thought she, `if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn’t see it?’ So she stood still where she was, and waited (Alice in Wonderland, chapter 8)."