Thursday, September 01, 2011

Re: Repentance

by CK

Nagging constant doubt without, and within,
no peace, only a thirst unceased
since this all began, since my hand
made a decision my mind could not condone,
and tossed aside the sacred stone
in one moment, with one decision
which was the fruit of a million seeds sown
over a thousand days, in the smallest ways,
but I can't locate with any precision
when my life began to speed
past me, like a runaway train,
baffling my resolutions and best solutions,
and turning a quiet mind insane.

I turned.
At first, because I was hungry and tired,
and wearied by my own insanity,
and then, because I thought I heard
a voice; it was urgent, but opaque, at first,
and then it suddenly grew clear
and exact, like a scientific fact.
Then, I heard the words
I never thought would grace my graceless ears.
"My son, come back."

I’m sorry.
I hurt me, you, and us.
I regret so much:
more than I remember.
I regret the need;
I regret the deed,
and accept the consequence.

I regret the path that led off from innocence,
and left our whole world dismembered.
I'm sorry.

And, now, I will change direction;
I will turn and walk this path of lonesome resurrection.
It may take years, weeks, even days,
but I will travel, though weary and unwell.
I will travel and refuse to stay
one night in a one night cheap hotel.

I feel new:
like a tiny child in an unfamiliar town.
People I know seem relocated;
New faces. New clothes. New places, debated.
I knew a person once that reminds me
of me; but he is passed, and all I see
is a brave new world: strange and free.